Words and Music

These Words And Music Break My Heart

Turning the page to another year,
No one here to share it with.
Loneliness is the biggest fear.

Being here reminds me of when someone dies,
The world keeps spinning despite one’s absence.
It’s like 1500 miles severs most all the ties.

I debate the logic of this notion,
Are the people I hold close to me,
Heartless and have no emotion?

Maybe their time is far too occupied,
Perhaps I am not as important to them.
It’s hard to shrug that feeling, I’ve tried.

I don’t want to sound selfish and cold,
But it hurts when I don’t hear from you.
These constant days of repetition are old.

Yet I write this out in a regretful way,
For a response in turn would almost seem vain.
Admitting this is a bitter inner fray.

Sitting here listening to the piano drive,
Drifting through the lyrics peacefully.
A comfort that keeps me somewhat alive.

Sadly I seem to be stuck in a coma,
Where my day consists of work and no play.
Be nice to enjoy a quick game of Roma.

Is it all that unbearable to date?
One month has now passed.
Staying here, is it really my fate?

Lacking the connection to those here,
Feeling rejected by those back home.
Surely something could just feel near.


Thomas

Away From Home For The Holidays

So this is the first Christmas I have ever experienced being away from home. (Christmas Eve) I've got to say it wasn’t so bad until I got off work and just having to hear the acknowledgement of it’s occurrence made me feel pretty alone. In fact it is the loneliest I have felt since I arrived here the first time. I am able to acknowledge at this point being here for a month that I probably won't find anybody here that I can call a real friend.

(Christmas Day) Knowing today was going to be slow at work, I was hoping I would still get a full day. Luckily I got plugged into TLC doing odd jobs and answering the phone and I ended up getting the full day I had hoped for. I did get a couple of friendly messages today from a couple of people, it's nice when someone takes the time out of their day to tell you Merry Christmas, knowing you are away from home it means more than one can know. Thanks you to those that recognized my absence, being missed warms my heart.

Well, besides all that I figure I should catch you up with what all has occurred at work. This week I managed to shadow a younger kids class and an older kids class. Also on Wednesday I got to teach my first class. It was a group of three year olds and it was their first time on skis. I had a total of three to handle and I've got to say that three was plenty. It was tough work trying to keep these three focused on anything for more than five seconds. I discovered that three year olds have to go to the bathroom all the time as well. By the end of the day I would guess the kids were out on the snow for a maybe a mere two hours. I think they had fun, so really that is all that matters. I also received a nice tip from one of the kid's fathers, so that was definitely a nice little note to end the day on.

From December 26th through January 5th we are supposed to be extremely busy. This is good simply because I will have the chance to get plenty of work as well as more teaching experience. By the end of that time I will have been here for about a month.  It feels like it has been so much longer, time doesn't really fly by here compared to camp. I guess it's from all the down time in the evenings.

Ho Ho Hopefully by The Maine

Colorado, Camp, and Kids

Seeing a little bit of how God has a bigger picture.

Being out here it’s really taken me into an element of being away from familiarity which has been difficult at times but also a good thing I’m sure. After a few days of work in and around the ski school I’m understanding some of the things that are being molded into my life. I know for me when it comes to work I need words of encouragement or I will doubt my performance. Although rare there are one or two supervisors who absolutely pour out such encouraging things when you are around. I find that so refreshing to find someone that has that ability to be such a positive force with a seamless effort. Yesterday I worked in TLC (which me being dumb, stand for tender, love, and care), as well as working the “magic carpet helping kids on it and picking them up if they fell. This isn’t to brag on myself but I caught myself learning every kid’s name and every time they hit the lift I would say something encouraging to let them know they were doing great. Sure I could compare this to camp because it has that same emphasis, but yesterday felt different.  It almost felt effortless like a second-nature. I don’t know what triggered it but I know one of my weaknesses is my ability to dispense encouraging words to others often. I know that needs to be something I must do in any job setting. It is a trait that I think any good leader needs to have. One person that comes to mind from camp is Stretch. He is the same age as myself yet he has such an amazing ability to say something with a genuine heart that can just put a notion of confidence in your step or a smile to your face.

It’s kind of sad but it’s so easy to be critical of those we know the best. We forget the importance of building one another up as humans. Knowing that I can’t help but think the more time I spend at Strong Rock the more it truly feels like a home, that can be good but also bad. Growing comfortable can cause us to forget the things that are so valuable to us. Yet the moment we lose them we then wish that the time wasn’t taken for granted. So it reminds me of the hard moments at camp and the day off is so highly anticipated, but come November we really wish we were back at camp. Maybe my abilities of being a good worker are solid but have lost a touch of excitement and joy because of the time spent in one place. I don’t want to come back the same as before. I want to be that positive force that really builds people up as opposed to that person that has just been around for a while.

Which brings me to understanding a few things out here in Colorado.

• I have been taken out of my element to grow as a person in understanding the way in which God can and will use me or develop me. Honestly I think being out here most of what my Father will be doing is developing me as his child in so many new ways, in turn this could be a place He will use me to reach somebody out here. 
• I’ve discovered skiing is not a passion of mine. Don’t get me wrong because I really do enjoy it but at the end of the day it’s just another thing to occupy idle time. I think I’m more fueled by other activities like tennis or climbing.
• Other than the fact that I am working with kids I really see that I am fairly driven by a paycheck. I don’t really like that feeling because I really don’t care too much about money. I think much of it is due to the lack of structure some days and the overall employee atmosphere. I would suggest 75% of them took this job to ski for free, 15% because they wanted to work with kids, and 10% because they needed a job/money. 
• Knowing my drive here really makes me appreciate working at camp. I honestly love working at camp, really I don’t even think of it as working. It is more like serving and having fun along the way. I think a paycheck is at the bottom of my priorities. The solid backbone and infrastructure of camp is awesome to me, the majority of people that come out to serve blows me away. What a wonderful world it would be to see where all jobs were driven by the beating hearts of people with a passion to serve.
• 3 year olds in ski boots would have to be added to my top 5 funniest things to see in life. Not only are they cute but they are so funny to watch trying to walk around. Also for some reason little kids enjoy eating snow more than they do skiing.
• Public transportation is never a sure thing. The weather out here is highly unpredictable. It can be sunny and pretty but 10 degrees out side. Then it will be cloudy and puking snow at a comfortable 45 degrees. It makes no sense at all.
• I don’t know if it’s the cold or what, but the music I am listening to has transition from rock/pop to folk/blues. Speaking of which go check out Willy Mason, Sea Wolf, and Jeremy Fisher.
• I will have to argue the whole mountain debate though. I will still take the Appalachians any day over the Rockies. Sure the Rockies are big…but they lack the unique appeal than what I am used to. Just my opinion of course but I’ll still argue my case either way.
• Wow, surprised I hadn't mentioned this before but the internet here in The EDGE is absolutely awful. It is really hit and miss, most of the time it is super slow…meaning virtually unresponsive.

This is definitely a long blog. Yes, I know I said I would shoot for some new pictures, but I have obviously failed to provide. Just imagine pine trees and lots of snow. It’s about as exciting as saying “snow and pine trees”.

- Thomas

2 Weeks and Counting...

Sorry no new pictures...mainly because I didn't plan on posting a new blog so soon but I was bored and in case you are bored you've got something to read for the next ten minutes. This is a pretty random blog, I guess it's just thoughts and spiritual stuff. I'm trying to figure out how to make it fun, because after this paragraph I'm not sure how amusing it really is. I have been listening to some new music lately mostly been enjoying a few to name are She & Him, Jeremy Fisher, Nevertheless, Hedley, Regina Spektor, and Asteria. Go check them out!


“I‘m just trying to find out who I am on my own. I had you right beside me now you’re gone and I know that when the room clears I’m still here, who am I when I’m alone?”
 - When I’m Alone by Nevertheless


2 Weeks and Counting

The time has passed so slowly here.
The snow, the cold, and this atmosphere.
I feel like the days are absent from what is real,
An unending sequence of dreams are all I feel.

The search of self is still ringing clear.
Glaring back in this awful mirror.
The brief moments I spend with a few,
Are the breaths I need to stay new.

Unable to see through this dust,
Clarity is removed preventing trust.
Unyielding to the disconnect,
Composure feels so indirect.

Paralyzed by the foreign air,
I need a little bit of care.


“We paint You in pictures well, we praise You and live like we don‘t. If you’d asked do we love You still, sometimes I can’t tell. It’s true…we’ve made it hard to see the light shining through the things we do.”
 - It’s True by Nevertheless

I know friend you are correct and I am often blown away at your wisdom. I understand the more I try to figure out my well-being the less likely I will get there. I need to get rid of myself every moment. It’s a constant conscious decision. Nothing that has been given to me is mine. Not my possessions, not my body, not my thoughts. They all belong to my Father. Yet there are so many days I wake up with worries and concerns that aren’t even mine to bear.

The words are so easy to say but the commitment feels like such a difficult thing to do. The key word is actually recognizing that to follow you is a lifelong commitment, it is a marriage, a union. The times when I fall away from You I am an adulterer and it hurts You. If I am truly committed to You, it is inexcusable to say I don’t need you in each moment of my life. God didn’t die merely to save us for us, He died for us to bring Himself glory. So for me to think that life has anything to do with a “me” point of view is completely messed up.. Everything we do in life should reflect a “His” point of view.

So why has God landed me here?  How long will He have me here? Those are two questions I think can sum up as the thoughts that have me puzzled.

“Not much to say I wish I felt something more concrete, something where I could plant my feet and try to breathe.” - One Last Time by Fair




“By the year 2020 I want to look at what we did, so we can stand up altogether cause we put an end to it; And there’ll be no more pointless fighting no more money running it, we’ll bring back love.”
 - Bring Back Love by Ace Enders and a Million Different People

Sunday, Sunday...

So it's been several days since training has ended and I have been left with not much to do. I have used that time to ski some as well as learn a my way around the resort a little. Although I still can't find the donut shop. As some have seen, I have discovered that the resort's small grocery store has pint sized soy milk bottles, which made me pretty stoked. Only drawback is they are overpriced, but with recent news my roommate may be getting a hold of a mini fridge. This would be great as I could then buy soy milk at either Safeway or Target by the half gallon for a whole lot cheaper. So come next blog you may hear of the great news. Because honestly it's expensive eating out every meal and I can only handle so much with peanut butter and crackers.

Last Friday was an adventure to say the least. My goal for the day was to familiarize myself with more of Summit County using the public transit system. So the day started out fairly mild and seemed like it wouldn't be a massive change in the weather, so of course I dress fairly modest with a base layer and my leather jacket. So first place I hit is Target in Silverthorne, when I leave Target the snow is starting to come down pretty good. I then head over to Dillon to recognize the location of a few places like Borders and the movie theater. Originally I was going to check out some of the outlets but at this point the snow and being outside were a little much. I also received a text from one of the fellow new hires from training if I wanted to go ski for a little bit, so I figured I would just do that. I got back to Copper around 2:00 and the slopes close around 3:30, so we didn't have much time to ski but we definitely made the most out of it. First started out on a few blue runs out on the south-side of the mountain then headed over to the north-east side where mostly green trails are found. We then started going through some tree sections,  it was my first time going through trees but it was really exhilarating. You just take your time and try your best to keep your skis from sinking down in the soft. less tread snow. It wasn't really rare to fall down but if you did the snow was so soft it wasn't a big deal. So we rode the slopes until the lifts closed and called it quits.

That was only the beginning to the day, because it didn't become an adventure until after that. One thing I meant to do on Friday was to get some groceries in Frisco and since I went skiing I didn't get any on my way back to Copper the first time. Frisco is the next exit east of Copper, only about a 10 minute bus ride. It was still snowing pretty good at this point but I had planned on being out for about one hour. So I leave Copper at about 5:00 and I am over at Safeway at about 5:25. The bus I was going to catch ran at 6:34, which gave me plenty of time to get what I needed. I took my time and got some cereal and granola bars then made it over to the bus stop at around 6:20. At this point the snow was coming down pretty hard and it was already dark. Despite the weather conditions lots of cars were still out and about, I guess they are used to driving in this kind of weather. So 6:34 came and went and there was no bus in sight. Luckily, there is a number you can call, so I did, and they said they wouldn't be running for at least an hour due to visibility purposes. "Great", I thought, I guess I'll go find some place to warm-up for a little bit, I take about a 10 minute walk over to Wal-Mart carrying four Safeway grocery bags. This walk was pretty tough simply because it was really starting to get cold and with no gloves and just a leather jacket with bags of groceries in my hands, you could imagine this fun picture. I'm there for about half an hour and I try the station one more time and they said they still aren't running. So it appeared I'd be sleeping at Wal-Mart, fortunately the people I skied with today lived in Frisco, so I called one of them up and they said I could come chill at their place until the buses were up and running. Sweet, only thing is their vehicle was only front wheel drive and I didn't want them to risk coming out to pick me up, so next came a really long walk. I would say it was a good 20 minute walk before I met up with them. They met me out on a main street and then it was about an 8 minute walk to their house. At this point I was definitely cold, mainly my fingers. So I met their roommates and we chatted for several hours and I called the bus station about every 45 minutes and they kept saying the Frisco to Copper buses were not running try back later. By 11:30 I called one last time and they said call back at midnight....really? Anyway the people I was hanging out with said I could crash on their couch, which I was truly grateful. I didn't sleep very well, but I had a place to sleep. That morning I hit the 9:35 bus and literally crashed the rest of the day. I was just exhausted.

Last night was the best sleep I have had in a long time and it felt so good. I tried to ski a little bit today but the ski conditions were pretty awful. There was some freezing rain in the air and it kept getting on my goggles which I would have to continue to scrape off every few minutes. I also took a spill on the choppy powder and discovered the snow on the ground was really sticky and it wouldn't come off my pants or jacket. After a couple of runs I called it quits and figured I'd just enjoy the rest of my day indoors. Tomorrow, all the new ski and ride school employees get to tour the school and Union Creek area where we will be centralized where we work, so I'm looking forward to getting a better idea of the environment I'll be in most of the time. Then I won't have anything to due until the weekend in which I should be shadowing two actual ski classes and get the hands on approach. After that hopefully I'll have a real schedule and be teaching on my own.

Hopefully the next blog will have some newer pictures, maybe I'll get one of my uniform because they are pretty cool looking.

- Thomas

1st Day of Training at Ski & Ride School

So surviving the weekend and progressing into my first day of training, I officially started my job. Before I talk about that, I'll mention a little bit about my weekend.

Saturday I tried to sleep in a little and then I had a go at the free public transportation system that takes you into the town of Frisco. I went out for only about an hour and a half to get a few snacks to have in the room so I won't go broke eating out all the time. After I got back, my roommate arrived maybe an hour later. His name is Nick and he's from Denver. He's a snowboarder out here and a drummer back in Denver, overall he's a pretty chill guy so we'll probably get along fine.

I went skiing Sunday and found a lift called Rendezvous. This lift takes you up the left side of Copper Mountain in which I discovered thus far to be the best area for skiing. It's wide open full of mostly blue routes with lots of diverse slopes and terrain. Although upon reaching the top I also discovered the other side of the mountain is currently closed including some bowls with blue and black routes, so hopefully those routes will be open soon.

So in training we spent a couple of hours listening to some speakers about our purpose at Copper and all that jazz. Then we went to get a locker and afterwards we went to Gear Up to get sized and equipped for our uniforms. They are pretty nice, the jackets are orange with some plaid accenting the front, and the pants are tan. They also gave us a beanie of our choice ( 6 different designs to choose from) to keep as well as a baseball cap with their logo to keep also. So after getting our uniforms we then took an hour lunch and then changed into our uniforms and got our equipment on. We then split off between skiers and riders, and then the  ski group split one more time to allow for a smaller group training. There was about 8 people in our group plus our training instructor. So for the next three and a half hours we were out on the slopes learning methods to teach kids and allow them to have fun learning how to ski. The exercises were fairly fun and the instructor was very encouraging. Overall being outside the weather was nice through most of the time, except when we began our last run. We went up a 6-man lift called the Super Bee, this was over on the East Village of Copper and it was a long ride. About halfway up the wind starts to kick up and the snow starts to blow harder (it had been lightly snowing most of the day), so by the time we reached the top it was cold...by far the coldest I have felt since being in Colorado. I was using some different gloves and to say the least my fingertips were freezing. It was a fun run going down but I was so ready to get off the mountain ad get my fingers warm again.

So overall today felt good to have something to do. Hopefully the next couple of days of training will turn out as good as today.

First Full Day In Colorado

 So I've been in Colorado for about 24 hours. Today I completed all of my paperwork and got my employee pass that gives me access to the mountains and discounts around the resort. My skis also arrived today and I was determined to hit the slopes for at least a little while. So after trekking my way from the EDGE building I managed to get on one of the main lifts on the right side of Copper. It's a fairly long lift, maybe a good 8 minutes before you reach the top. My first descent was mostly blue trails and it went okay. I did learn my new skis aren't the most forgiving, I really had to fight cutting through the snow sometimes. Also on that run I somehow managed to find an area that either wasn't marked off-limits, or it just hadn't been run on enough. I dip down in this little 50 yard valley and was about to proceed the a narrow trail through the woods. The next thing I know my right ski sinks down about 2 feet into the snow and my boot pops loose from the bindings. Great...stuck in a little bowl of soft 2 feet deep snow. So I had to pop my other ski off to dig and find my buried ski, and then begin a ridiculously hard trek out of the bowl. I only had maybe 40 feet to trek uphill to safely ski out of this but it was so much easier said than done.  Every step I took I would sink down that 2 feet every time....ugh...I was exhausted by the time I got to the bottom of that run. So I went inside ordered me a burger and took a good half hour break. I got back out and took another three or four runs mostly on blues and greens just to enjoy the rides a little more and not work as hard.

So what have I learned on the slopes. Colorado skiing is much bigger in so many ways. You can't even come close to seeing all of the mountain in one run. Thee are so many routes I can't even tell which one I'm really on, I now just guess the color by the grade of the slope, and hopefully I'll end up close to where I started. Oh, and ski lifts close at 3:30

Being outside the social norm. I never realized what that old saying of "southern hospitality" really meant until now. I know I am pretty awkward socially and I don't connect with people very well at times, but this is a whole new element. For starters I don't know anybody and I still don't have a roommate. Like tonight outside the EDGE building they were grilling burgers for employees for a $1.50 each and so I figured I'd jump on the cheap dinner. Standing outside with a group of about 15 other people and just listening to their conversations really showed me what social norm I was going to be dealing with all season. I'm not one usually bothered by foul language, but then again I'm not used to hearing it come out of everyone's mouth every minute. Even full-time employees that are on the job. It's so odd, g**d*** this f*** that are completely accepted anyplace and anytime. Then it's all about the bars and the beer. Free kegs, all you can drink for 10 bucks...I don't have a problem with drinking...I have a problem when alcohol becomes a driving force in someone's life. The people that come to work here don't even consider the future, they literally live life day to day. I've only been here one day and I feel like I am way beyond my comfort zone. It's funny how when I go to the top of blood mountain I can feel so close to God as I am overwhelmed by the beauty of his creation. Then I am here at 9700 feet and I feel the farthest from my Father than I ever have.

So what does this all mean? Well, I haven't officially started my job until Monday. Hopefully I will feel a fresh sense of unity with some people as we are all working with kids and I hope and pray that the attitude of these employees is far different than the ones I have seen. If not then I know I have a few people that would love to have me back home. If getting to ski free means feeling this alone, then I'd rather trade in my skis for a plane ride home. My room is paid up through the 24th and if I still can't find some happiness in this place by then, let's just say I'll be home for Christmas.

Video Clip: Far From Home - The Classic Crime

So this was one of the songs that was on my West4Winter playlist. I've always liked this song by The Classic Crime but I don't think I ever fully got it's message until the plane ride. With this bands Christian influence it dawned on me, we all are far from home. I'll be the first to admit that the reward of eternity has little value to me as opposed to just getting to serve my maker. Heaven is just the cherry on top, it's not the best part in all reality. Yet the song really brought me back thinking despite wherever God leads me, no matter where I am, I am far from my home. The only home I was meant to be a part of at the end of all this madness.

So as I am away for what may be only a few weeks or a few months. Please don't pray for me as the greater need is for the people of this area. My cab ride here was from an older gentleman probably in his 60's and it was just him and I in a van for 2 hours. We talked a whole lot about the area, history, and he even talked a little bit about himself. One thing he said was that "life is a gamble". He went on to say how if it's your time, it's your time. A man in his 60's believes life is just a gamble. Dear God, I hope that's not all You had for us. A luck of the roll, hitting blackjack, or turning a royal flush. I still have a long way to give You everything in my life, how hard it must be to show these people that their life means nothing without the one and only savior.

- Thomas

Introduction

Heading West 4 Winter.

           Many people have asked why I am going to Colorado. In all reality it started out as simply looking for a job after camp was over. Searching through job sites and applying to different places can be quite tedious and I wasn't really sure the chances of applying online if any would come through. To my surprise I got a hit from Copper Mountain Resort with my application as a ski instructor. This was one of many resorts that was hiring employees for their ski season, but I honestly didn't want to be a lift operator or a cashier at the gift shop. Copper Mountain was one of the few resorts that hired entry-level ski instructors without a PSIA certification. So I set up a phone interview with a woman named Lizzie, in which I got to talk about mostly Strong Rock Camp. Which made for a very comfortable interview.

About a week later I received an e-mail with a job offer attached to it. I took about 24 hours to decide if this was something I seriously wanted to do. On what almost felt like a spontaneous notion I decided that I would take the job. I didn't weigh the cons at the time but thought more of the opportunity and experience that would lie ahead of me.

As the month of October came and went. The countless hours I browsed looking for skis and cold gear, the reality of this adventure was starting to set in. A mixture of emotions was also beginning to set in as well. These feelings becoming so strong I couldn't sleep. Fear of the unknown, makes you wonder how the early explorers felt...although most of them probably didn't travel completely alone.

So bringing myself to this point, December 1st 2010. Saying goodbye to some of the people I care most about. I have to continue to remind myself that it's not forever. I need to look ahead to tomorrow. Embrace this next step, a new experience.

I hope that I learn much from this trip. I have understood this year has been a very difficult one for me and many others around me. This year has also been a year in which I have learned and understood myself more than ever.  I do think understanding one's self is absolutely vital to moving forward in life. It's funny how we think we really understand who we are and then you learn something different, which makes me believe that wisdom is the realization of the less you know about anything. My hope for this trip is to better understand my  God and the ways in which I can truly depend on Him for all my needs. I also hope to continue to grow myself in understanding my strengths and weaknesses.

* * * * * * *

Video Clip : John Denver - Rocky Mountain High

So my plane leaves tomorrow at 2:00. It's a 3 1/2 hour flight followed by a two hour cab ride to the resort. When it's all said and done hopefully I will arrive at the resort around 8:00 MST. Where I will hopefully have my skis and other gear waiting for me. I have a 3 1/2 hour playlist that features songs I personally love and that I find quite appropriate for the trip ahead. Originally I thought about listing the whole set but it's 58 songs long. To name a few that are needed to be mentioned are Rocky Mountain High by John Denver, Far From Home by The Classic Crime, and Coming Home Soon by Ronnie Day. I'm also in the process of downloading a digital copy of Scott Pilgrim vs. The World to hopefully enjoy on my Zune.

Video Clip : Thoughts of John Denver by Harry and Lloyd

Friday I will pick up my employee pass to hopefully enjoy a weekend of skiing and familiarize myself with the mountain a little, then be ready for orientation and training come Monday morning.

Video Clip : Frost

* * * * * * *

Hopefully I will manage to blog at least once a week, possibly more. One friend suggested a video blog, and I may occasionally try one of those. Oh and in case you were wondering, I will have pictures up as soon as possible. Most likely of the mountains more so than anything else.

 - Thomas